Storm at Malvern Beer Race, July 2026
Co-ordinator: Colin Lennox
The inaugural Internationally Great GMC Great Beery Relay Race took place in July at Malvern amid volcanic controversy. Rob W had been banned from sport for 5 years after failing successive drug tests but shortly before the race the head of IGGMCGBR committee - Col L – received a phone call from Keir Starmer requesting his reinstatement. It had been rumoured that Col L has been angling for a knighthood for some time and without consulting with the rest of the committee he immediately acquiesced to the request. There followed a storm of protest with USA, Mongolia and Bhutan all threatening to withdraw. What further incensed the protests is that the fawning Col L had recently awarded Starmer a Golden Globe for his inspirational leadership in an act clearly designed to curry favour and – allegedly – received in return a crisp £5 in his back pocket. The anger became even greater when it was learned that the equally fawning and corrupt Andrew ‘fill my’ Bucket was appointed referee. While the race did eventually take place, it did so in a heavy atmosphere of seething rage.
And of the race itself? A fierce battle on Leg 1 between Fiona Tea, Pete (mercenary recruiter) and Arthur (imported mercenary) with Angela Dig coming in serenely last. BUT!!!! Angela transported the most beer and once the scores had been totted up all of the teams were on 5.
It was all down to the second leg! James (another imported mercenary) was quick but spilt most of his beer. Bill Tea had come out of retirement and while he showed a steady hand on the beer front was extremely slow. That left a straight battle between Rob W and Henry (another imported mercenary).
Henry and teammate Angela Dig claimed victory but Col L and Andrew Bucket declared it a tie and both teams were awarded the trophy – a pair of old running socks – so they had one sock each. Fearing a storm of protest from the, admittedly, none existent crowd, it was decided that a tie was a suitable conclusion to the first and possibly last ever beer relay race and all participants headed off into the sunset.
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